Not that long ago, I had gotten my phone stolen which was particularly mortifying for two main reasons: the fact that I had been living in London for 6 years, and also the fact that I’m Romanian.
Such conditions have built an immunity to all these tricks and stratagems. However, it just so happened I had to run an errand through my old high school area. And what an area this is. A crime rate so high, unrivalled by any other London area. A frequency so low that somehow gets even lower the longer one lives in London. The devil’s playground.
Westminster Bridge Road.
A place I hadn’t been to since actual high school, for there is no possible reason to go there unless one really has to. The frequency had since gotten lower. The field of energy shock me so much so that my immunity was removed and my phone snatched. It’s not an excuse, but it’s all I have.
I called the police for the first time in my life and after the first few back and forths I realised it would probably be the last time also. A few days later, I began to get messages from a mysterious Chinese man, claiming to have bought the phone for his daughter, but he can’t use it as I must unlink my Apple ID. His pleads were unanswered. He doubled down with a claim that his daughter is so mad at him that he will have no choice but to commit suicide unless I unlink my ID.
I kept thinking the build up to the suicide mention was essentially non existent and this bothered me because there should have been a few slightly less bad things before that since they’re going with this superfluously dramatic approach which wouldn’t have been my personal choice at all. Its ineffectiveness reminded of sex bots on dm’s who had once asked me if I am the ‘hot guy from the supermarket earlier’. I had answered ‘Yes.’ At one point or another there are actual people at the core of these schemes and I found myself wondering why they’re not better at their jobs.
The recent trials and tribulations as well as looming deadlines lingered around the surface of my mind, so much that I kept forgetting to reinstall social media. This omission then transformed from accidental into deliberate. The ‘going analogue’, which has gained much momentum in the last couple of years. I decided that I, too, would partake in this modern amishism.
The week of May 18th was my birthday week, a time which comes each year with much reflection. Of the past, the present, the future - and even more.
My analogue life, although instated very recently, had already began to greatly change me. I realised how quickly I had moved on from the loss of my phone, along with much irretrievable content that I once deemed imperative. The smell of the grass had triumphed over my old priorities, and most of all, exposed the true frivolous nature of social media. It inspired my delve into analogue, anemoia and absence, an article which can also be found in the writing section. Yet this theme still did not seem right to pick for my upcoming commentary. I still did not know what to write about.
Waking up on May 22nd, the morning after my birthday, I was very aware of the birthday dm’s I should probably reply to. I felt rather confident in my ability to ignore posts and go straight to dm’s, which I did. But I did not take into account that many dm’s will include posts.
The myriad of news instantly flooded my very being. I had been absent for a total of two weeks, but felt as though I had been absent forever. As though all of the many years spent on this app were in vain. An Instagram day appeared to be the equivalent of half a real year.
It was not just the new features. There were phrases I was not getting, posts I could not fully grasp the meaning of, the patterns were indeed familiar yet context completely alien.
I had gone through a month where I had accepted many things. But I could not accept this.
Although going analogue was surprisingly enjoyable, I realised it is against my nature. Not as a young person, but as an observer of the culture.
That morning, Fakemink dropped his album ‘Terrified’, accompanied by very Lynchian visual media and surreal poems. Pictures of Jacob Elordi and Kendall Jenner emerged, confirming their rumoured romance. Some believe the relationship is intended to hide the fact that Elordi is gay and Jenner is a lesbian. If this is the case, I wish them a happy upcoming pride month and hope they shall celebrate together.
Yet the visual which dominated my feed was of Azealia Banks, remixed into tens of memes, sourced from an original Judi Jupiter video interview.
I instantly realised this is what I must report on.
.
At a Comunal dinner in New York, controversial singer and bully Azealia Banks was caught off guard by infamous polar opposite Judi Jupiter, known for her joyful video interviews. Jupiter’s typical optimism thus inevitably clashes with Banks’ signature brusqueness.
Azealia is portrayed middle frame in what seem to be maternity overalls(later confirmed by Azealia) and a top which spells out ‘lobotomy’ in Hebrew. She contrastingly stands alongside @pariahthedoll who is donning a SOPHIE T-shirt. A palpable awkwardness fills the air, as Judi begins her usual inquiries, such as asking Azealia for her name, Instagram and profession. At the beginning, Azealia exhibits some of the most polite behaviour we’ve seen from her, yet we know this is the clam before the storm. Her patience very quickly and visibly runs out. When asked what her favourite tattoo is, Azealia simply pauses in annoyance and answers her question with a question - ‘What’s going on?’.
From then on and for the rest of the interview, a palpable awkwardness fills the air, ending with Azealia informing Judi that she is ‘in a bad mood now’ and asking her to stop recording. She infamously also refuses to say anything to Judi’s followers at the very end, even just hi, requests which no one has previously refused.
The backlash from the video caused Azealia to go on many X and Instagram rants, making many claims, such as wishing to punch Judi Jupiter.
Yet Jupiter refrained from comments, enjoying the virality of her video whilst remaining silent about the interaction. I asked around about her and found out she asked for money to attend the dinner where the video was filmed, and is unlikely to agree to interviews. Nevertheless, I decided to ask her 5 questions over email, to which she replied ‘What is your budget?’. This 70 year old’s woman’s instinctive, instant demand for money to perform essentially any activity had a conflicting effect on me. I both look down upon it and highly respect it. ‘There is no budget’, I explained, ‘I just thought your take is imperative’. She later replied with ‘Sent from my iPhone’.
After a few such back and forths, Judi Jupiter answered the questions(for free).
Noelle: How do you feel about Azealia’s reaction in the video?
Judi: I think she wanted attention to be relevant again. Noelle: There’s a contrast between Azealia’s attitude in the video and the fact that she continued answering your questions. Do you think she secretly wanted to do a Judi Spin but was trying to act cool? Judi: I think she was confused. My flash was on and she didn’t know who I was. Her friends were laugh ing in the background. I had photographed her friends before she arrived, they knew me. I couldn’t turn off my flash I was afraid I’d push the wrong button and the interview would stop recording.
Noelle: Are you familiar with Azealia’s music? What do you generally think of her? Judi: Never heard of her. Dan Alves wanted me to photo her. I don’t think I even knew she was as a singer.
Noelle: How do you usually pick who you film? Is there specific criteria? Judi: It’s just a feeling I get when I see someone. But like Diane Arbus says ‘you can’t get every photo’.
Noelle: Anything you’d like to say to my readers?
Judi: What’s your Instagram?
Two days later, Judi sends an unprompted email in the middle of the night:
“You could add I gave her a 35 birthday present
Over 30 million views.
Sent from my iPhone”
.
Azealia never revealed her Instagram @ to Judi in the video. But the @azealiabanks is not hers. It belongs to designer Finn Adelman, aka Bishop. A Judi Jupiter video of him curiously reveals his presence at the very same Comunal dinner where Azealia was filmed.
Noelle: Were you at Comunal at the same time as Azealia?
Finn: I arrived too late unfortunately.
Noelle: What do you think would have happened if you would have been? Finn: From what I’ve heard she’s not typically pleasant to interact with so I probably wouldn’t bother.
Noelle: What will you be using the @azealiabanks account for? Finn: Right now I’ve just been using it to post about projects I’m working on. I think the confusion people experience when seeing the username makes the work on the account more memorable.
Noelle: You seem to be the opposite of Azealia in gender, race, political stance, disposition, and more. But what is something that links both of you?
Finn: I appreciate the courage she has had to speak her mind knowing she’s putting her career at risk, even tho I don’t actually care for much of what she has to say.
Noelle: How did you come into possession of @azealiabanks?
Finn: I bought it off some kid on discord for $50.
Noelle: Is Azealia aware that you have this @?
Finn: Yeah my friend knows her, he told me she was asking me to give to her the @.
.
The Azealia Banks and Judi Jupiter interaction occurred at members’ dining experience ‘Comunal’, created by Dan Alves, who Azealia has since referred to as ‘the worst jew in America’ on X.
Noelle: Do you agree that you’re the worst jew in America?
Dan: Maybe. Noelle: The incident is rly effective organic marketing in the way it’s been spreading. Was the interaction between Azealia and Judi deliberately orchestrated or did you at least think it would happen when you invited both of them?
Dan: It was orchestrated because first of all, Azealia was just a guest. And Judi was someone that we actually hired. And her task was to “interview whoever you think is interesting.” But then I was sort of guiding her too, towards anyone who I knew would do really good numbers. And Azealia was pretty late, maybe 20-30 minutes late. So the whole time I was telling her “just wait, we have a big star that you’re going to want to interview.”
Noelle: Azealia on Comunal: “They had the chicken on the counter out the rotisserie bags little white boys touching the chicken it was smelling like cat food in there.” Thoughts? Dan: I don’t think it smelled like cat food. But we’re still very early to the Comunal project so we don’t have the craziest high level situation. Mainly a lot of the people I work with are just my friends who just happen to know how to do something. Eventually when it makes sense we’ll scale enough to where we need, way more infrastructure, but for now I’m fine with that. Right now, it’s very small intimate projects, just me wanting to do these events with close friends. Noelle: We’ve seen the snippet of Azealia and her comments on Comunal but what was she like at the actual event?
Dan: She was very sweet in real life. She was pretty pissed at me after Comunal. But Azealia, if anyone, understands the importance of press. We did very good press with her, it was all love at the end of it. I think she said she would come to the next one, which I would love to invite her to. We talked a lot afterwards. She sees a really bright future in the things I’m doing, she was like “you’re next”. In the next 5-10 years we’ll be up. Noelle: People said Judi was lucky Azealia was not on her meds, and Azealia said “I don’t take meds.” Do you believe she should take them?
